I’ve been to several gyms over the past 15 years and have seen certain interesting ‘things’.
I’ve trained at the gyms at
- Saint Gabriel’s Secondary
- Catholic Junior College
- Ngee Ann Polytechnic
- Raffles Town Club
- The Hougang Sports Council
- The National Stadium
- California Fitness At Orchard
- Planet Fitness At Vivocity
- Fitness First At The Cathay
I’ve seen crazy shit over the years. I find most of these mistakes hilarious, and I have no qualms about laughing at these newbies. If you’ve never been to the gym before, read on and discover how you can avoid being ridiculed by a ninja master.
1. Humping the machine/ Excessive cheating
The preacher curl machine is one of my favorite pieces of gym equipment. Unfortunately, many newbies utilize too much weight for their biceps. To compensate, they thrust their pelvis forward with each repetition and end up looking like a humping dog in heat.
If my description sounds humorous, I assure you, the actual action is far more hilarious.
Cheating won’t increase muscle strength or size. If you want your biceps to ‘balloon’ decrease the load and maintain a slow and controlled movement.
2. The Impossibly Inflexible Man! / Limited range of motion
Most exercises require a full range of motion for maximum benefit. Whereas most season gym rats straighten their arms to nearly 180 ° during a preacher curl repetition, several newbies only ‘straighten’ their arms by 20°.
I find this remarkable display of inflexibility to be a great cause of laughter. I laugh extra loud if they also hump the machine while displaying their awe-inspiring feat of inflexibility.
By the preacher curl isn’t the only machine that I see this sin committed on. I also see it being committed on the Smith machine during benches or squats.
When performing benches, if the bar doesn’t touch my chest as it comes down, it doesn’t count. I also believe in the ATG (ass to grass) philosophy when it comes to squats too.
If you perform either of these movements with 12 inches or less of movement, then you’re a punch line for a ninja master.
3. The Incredible Hamster Man!/ Running on a treadmill when you could be performing roadwork
If you prefer using a treadmill over actual roadwork, then you’re not only being laughed at by this ninja master, you’re being laughed at by the entire running community.
Singapore’s a great place for runners. There are many parks and pavements for outdoor runners and the evening’s a great time to run. Because crime in Singapore is virtually non-existent, outdoor running is also extremely safe.
But if you prefer the shock absorbing properties of a track, there are also many stadiums that are readily accessible for free.
Performing actual roadwork allows you to vary your pace. It also allows you to run in a realistic running environment while gauging your distance accurately.
Treadmills have their uses, but it’s definitely not a good substitute for actual roadwork.
Besides, why are you doing cardio in a gym anyway? Why use a $5000 machine when you could be using $20,000 worth of machines by doing strength training? It seems like more bang for the buck to me.
If you really want to do cardiowork, get on an exercise bike or an elliptical trainer. Leave the actual roadwork for the road!
In summary, remember to control your repetitions, minimize cheating, and obtain a full range of motion. And for God’s sake, don’t pay to enter a gym only to use a treadmill.
Remember; always consult your doctor or physician before embarking on any exercise or fitness regime!
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